i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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