they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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