i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
