I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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