Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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