My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
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The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
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Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.