I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Randomize
