The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
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I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
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I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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