I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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