Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
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COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
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After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I see more hoeing in ur future
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