I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
