Cold hands, warm shart.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
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