wanna go halves on a baby?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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