She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
