i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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