Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
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What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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