i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
