just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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