When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
