is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
