I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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