She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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