So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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