I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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