You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
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I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
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I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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