Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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