please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.