so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes