When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues