I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm like, not good at living.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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