My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.