I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.