Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME