NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
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Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
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I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that