Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here