Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.