And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i will never coherently bang her
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"