Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize