listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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