Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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