does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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