He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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