Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
