Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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