Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.