the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
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