Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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