I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
