just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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