we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
