I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b