Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.