Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.