I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
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I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
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Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.