I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
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you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
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speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!