I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect