Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill