It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
