I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize