I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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