sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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