the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro