I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
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My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
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Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.