Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
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I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
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I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train