id be glad to
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.