wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
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This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
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Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again