i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
