I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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