the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
